Day 18: Fitness

While I did two sets first thing upon awakening this morning, I actually feel the need to talk about spiritual fitness today.

I've been depressed, agitated, and angry for the last few days, culminating in my last night's drowning my sorrows in a 1000 calorie home-made milkshake. At midnight.

The thing about blogging (and the rest of life) is that it is so easy to lose yourself IN yourself. Sitting here typing about 'I did' this and 'I ate' that. Not necessarily in a selfish way, but certainly in a way that becomes so easy to see nothing but yourself. This probably is doubly true when your blog has to do with body image.

Fortunately last night, I felt the Lord chiding me as I berated myself for indulging to such excess. Not chiding me for a poor dinner choice. But for shutting Him out and focusing so much on other things. First on eating what food I wanted and 'treating myself' all the time that it became an idol. Rather than running to the Scripture, or to the Lord for comfort, I was diving into a cup, or a cookie, etc. And then I focused on attempting to 'fix my bad habits' all by myself.

I don't think overeating is necessarily a spiritual battle for everyone. But it was to me, because I used it as my crutch, when ultimately I want to learn to lean only on the crutch of the cross.

I was led to read Phillipians 3 and 4 last night. Tearfully at that. And upon reading Phillipians 3:18-21, it talks a lot about our belly and our earthly body. While I don't think these verses were meant to read about 'diet' or 'exercise' Paul does speak in other places of 'running the race' and so I think he saw a close analogy to our physical fitness and our spiritual fitness.

^"18 For many, of whom I have often told you and now tell you even with tears, walk as enemies of the cross of Christ. ¹⁹  Their end is destruction, their god is their belly, and they glory in their shame, with minds set on earthly things. ²⁰ But our citizenship is in heaven, and from it we await a Savior, the Lord Jesus Christ, ²¹ who will transform our lowly body to be like his glorious body, by the power that enables him even to subject all things to himself." - Phillipians 3, ESV

My goals with this blog/and my 'fitness' efforts have shifted. Primarily because of last night, but also because of a vague sense of purposelessness these last few weeks. It's not about being 'thin' or even fitting into my pre-baby clothes...although I still admit that would be nice.

I want to be healthy enough to have the energy to lead a godly, productive life. It's easier to make difficult decisions and to resist temptation and depression with a well-nourished, physically-fit body and mind. I want to have the energy and the longevity to teach my children about Christ and to be a Christ-like example for them. If the Lord takes me before my goals are accomplished, then to Him be the glory...but let it not be because I squandered my life hiding inside a tub of ice cream.

After such a serious post, I hope you'll stick with me. I still plan to splurge now and then...to be goofy, and silly. I'm sure I'll still have Lazy Days and 'off' days. But Lord help me, I will no longer be a slave to my cravings nor my desire to shut myself away with a TV show and some food.